Looking Over The Horizon

Well,this year has start off with a great start for me,man I can't remember being this happy,being this peaceful and for once in my fucking life my demons have finally stopped torturing me,I feel as if I'm getting older and much more mature than ever before,I'm proud of the fact that I'm now very honest with everyone and I'm now more faithful about the future this time around. It feels like God has finally granted me my wish to start my life over again,to make up for my lousy past,my only wish is to finally burn my past completely but even I know I can't do that because the past is what made me into what I am today. Sometimes at night before I go to sleep I think to myself this must be all a dream and if it is I don't wanna wake up,I love where my life is now,I'm so in peace with myself,my mind is clearer,my demons have stopped torturing me,I don't feel lonely or isolated anymore,I'm not hopeless,my heart is no longer cold,black,empty or lifeless and no more crying in a darkened corner asking God to take my life. Now I have every reason to look over the horizon and await whatever blessing comes my way and the great thing about that is I won't have to wait in the dark alone anymore.

Lonliness

Well you may think that this is a song that I've written but I just wanna talk about how lonliness has effected me through out my life. Ever since I was kid I've always felt alone,being an only child I always longed for a brother or a sister that could look out for me or could help me out when I needed someone to run to but I never got to feel what other siblings feel. I've always had friends but in the end they would either stab me in the back or I would back them off,looking back now I wish I could've kept some of them or see I can do things differently if I were different then maybe I wouldn't be where I am today,I would always ask God to please if life is like a tape recorder can He rewind it just once more for me. Yeah,I've had relationships but none of them lasted long enough or I just never took a chance to go for it ya know cause I always felt I wasn't better enough and I just didn't have faith. Sometimes I feel like a wandering,drifting spirit left all alone to roam the earth all on my own.

Me

Well, allow me to introduce myself I am Matthew or Matt and I bid you welcome. I was born and raised in Philadelphia,I am asian-american(half filipino,Italian and half black). I love to to do anything from reading,writing,shopping,watching movies and playing video games but my ultimate love and passion is music,I have dreams and aspirations to be a rock star one day and I hope to God that happens soon. Although I am catholic,I don't consider myself a holy man nor an evil person,I believe in many thing's and you just can't rule out the possibilities in this world so I consider myself to be a very spiritual person. Also if you hadn't noticed I'm a huge Dracula freak,so please don't think I'm trying to be like him cause that would be crazy let's just say that I'm very inspired by him and many other inspirations of mine and rather picking one I like to mix them all and make my own style. And please have some consideration if you know I'm "goth" or a vampire please don't ask,I find that extremely ignorant especially when you already know the answer and I don't like saying to people I am either because I feel it's none of their business but all I can say is that I am very proud of who and what I am. here's my first blog,feel free to read and please read many more to come.